I Stopped Talking to Someone Over Something They Didn't Even Mean
I thought a friend's short message meant they were angry and started pulling away. When I finally asked, I found out I had built an entire conflict around a tone that wasn't even there.
If you only have a minute.
- Situation
- I thought a friend's short message meant they were angry and started pulling away. When I finally asked, I found out I had built an entire conflict around a tone that wasn't even there.
- What they tried
- Eventually I asked.
- What they learned
- Text messages are terrible evidence for imaginary arguments. Sometimes the tone you're reading is coming from you, not them.
A TURNING POINT“Text messages are terrible evidence for imaginary arguments.”
Problem
A friend sent me a message that sounded rude. It wasn't openly rude. That would've been easier. It was one of those messages where the words look normal but the tone in your head is definitely not normal. I read it. Then read it again. Yep. Definitely annoyed with me.
Struggle
So instead of asking, I got annoyed back. I replied dryly. They replied dryly. Now I had proof. Except, looking back, they were probably just matching me. For nearly two days we barely spoke. I told another friend about it. I reread the original message multiple times. By this point I had basically written an entire story about why they were angry.
Action
Eventually I asked. "Did I do something? You seemed annoyed." They had no clue what I was talking about. They were tired when they sent the message. That was it. No hidden meaning. No argument. No secret resentment. Just tired.
Outcome
We laughed about it later. I was relieved but also slightly horrified at how quickly I had turned one short text into an entire conflict. Now, if something feels off, I try to ask before I react. Not always. But more than before.
The lesson
Text messages are terrible evidence for imaginary arguments. Sometimes the tone you're reading is coming from you, not them.
