When College Helped Me Remove the Mask
I once thought college independence meant being free to do whatever I wanted. Instead, it gave me the space to stop performing for other people, speak more openly, and become more confident in my own ideas and principles.
Where it started
Before entering university, I thought independence was mainly about having the freedom to do whatever you wanted and shape the person you would become after college.
In school, things felt different. I was constantly trying to keep up with teachers' expectations while also maintaining the right "vibe" around my peers. Balancing both made me feel like I needed to wear a mask instead of simply being myself.
Where I got stuck
I used to overthink how people might react whenever I wanted to speak in a group, express an opinion, ask a question, or help organise an event.
The judgement had not even happened yet, but I was already preparing myself for it. That made it harder to speak freely or trust my own ideas. I was giving imagined reactions more importance than what I actually wanted to say.
What changed
There was no single moment when everything changed. Gradually, I began to realise that social judgement often comes from other people's expectations or their own insecurities. It does not necessarily say anything meaningful about me.
Whenever I start overthinking now, I remind myself that I am not the only person who feels this way. Many people are dealing with the same uncertainty.
Then I leave the outcome to the universe. My responsibility is only to act and show up. Thinking this way reduces my anxiety and stops me from going deeper into unnecessary thoughts.
After that
I am no longer as afraid to present my work in class, speak openly about my doubts, or express my opinions.
The fear of judgement did not disappear because everyone suddenly stopped judging me. What changed was the amount of control I allowed that judgement to have.
I have become more confident in my ideas and in the principles I hold. University gave me independence, but not in the way I originally expected. It gave me the space to understand myself and become more comfortable being seen as I am
What stayed with me
Independence is not simply having permission to do whatever you want. Sometimes, it is having the courage to stop performing for everyone else. When I struggle with my habits or feel myself putting the mask back on, I imagine that my present self is being observed by my future self. I ask whether the way I am acting today is helping me become the person I want to be. You cannot control what everyone will think of you. Your responsibility is to notice your fear, act anyway, and keep showing up as yourself.
